Eczema

Someone posted this video on FB and I found it to be inspiring. Not because of her make-up technique, but because she is brave enough to show the world her flaw. Every girl wants a flawless skin, but not everyone is lucky to be blessed with perfect skin, including yours truly.

I have eczema since I was about three years old, according to my parents. Life, I have to say, hasn't exactly been a bed of roses, mine and my parents'. It's not really serious since I've never been admitted because of it (I've heard worse cases than mine), but hospitals and clinics have been my second home ever since. Different doctors came up with different explanation of allergies, can't eat that, can't eat this, can't do that, can't do this and a lot more. The worst case was when I was about eleven, I had to go to the hospital almost every month for check up because my eczema was so bad. I couldn't play sports at school because I was told by the doctor not to get sweaty and my teacher did not understand and I had no idea how to explain it to her, so I just showed her what was going on on my skin, she then, retreated. I got teased by boys because of my rashes. The eczema kinda lowered my self-esteem, which was already very low (to none) to begin with.

Sometimes it gets frustrating because I can't make it go away, I don't know how to. It hasn't completely gone from my life. My skin still flares up sometimes. Especially when I go back to Malaysia, the first two weeks are hell for me. I can't stand the heat. Whenever I say that, people would think I'm just some spoilt brat when they don't understand what's really going on. Yes, I'm allergic to heat. When I sweat, my skin gets very prickly and hurts really bad and the next thing I know, it breaks out. So, how was my life pre-France, you might ask. I was on medication, I still am. And my skin normally needs some serious adjustment to the weather, it usually takes months. Whenever I go back, I would hear, "Jangan garu!" from my dad and he's been saying the same thing since I was little.

Other than heat, I'm also allergic to cheap make-up (those you can get at a 2€ shop), anything that contains nickel and some seafood. I cannot peel prawns without my hand getting all red and swollen and I can't eat a lot of crab either. C'est dommage!!! I have to be careful in choosing skin care products because not everything is suitable for my sensitive skin. I don't do facial that often either because the last time I did it, my face swelled up like nobody's business. So there's no point in spending a large amount on facial and more on medical bill later.

I have a really low self-confidence because of eczema. Once, I even told my dad I didn't want to get married because I'm afraid that my (then) future husband wouldn't understand my condition and would just think of me as some high-maintenance woman. I also hate the pity look people give me when they see the rashes and the questions they ask. Then the suggestions, telling me to try this and that. Trust me, I've tried so many things that you could possibly ever imagine! Right now, I'm using special soap, special cream and body butter to replace normal lotion because its texture is thicker than the latter. The last time I consulted a doctor was during Summer break, he suggested a different kinda cream than my usual one (it's called Betapro I think) because I told him the one I've been using since I was about eight, now takes time to react, maybe because I'm immune to it. But it doesn't do much, so I go back to my usual Econazine. My mom would supply lots of tubes of Econazine whenever I go away from home. She knows me best.

So, you see, my life isn't as breezy as one might think it is. I don't have acne problem, I don't wear braces, I don't wear glasses, but I have a skin condition called eczema and it's one of my biggest insecurities. I never really talked about it because I'm ashamed of it. But I'm lucky because I have parents who would do absolutely anything to make me feel better. When boys picked on me because of my skin condition, my dad would always be there and tell me I'm beautiful, whatever other boys were saying, didn't really matter to me anymore. So, don't judge people you don't know based on what you see because it will hurt them. You don't know what they are suffering from. Don't ask hurtful questions and stop giving them those pity looks, it makes them uncomfortable. Unless you are in the same situation, you'll never understand eventhough you say you do. Give them a break! :)

Moi xx
Listening to : Count On Me - Bruno Mars