Mama,
When I was a little girl, I don't remember much. But I do remember how much you loved us. You always tried your best to let us have what we wanted. You never forget to tell us to study hard and grow up to be a good person. I never forget that, Ma. Not even once, not even when I'm mad at you. I remember how you didn't let us put on any make-up and told us that it's bad for our skin and when we grow older, we'd look horrible because of it. And then one day when you brought Angah and I to your office, one of your colleagues, Auntie Sandra put some make-up on us and told us not to tell you because she knew you'd be furious. Mak Yan also liked to do that when you're not around, she'd do our hair as well and then she'd take pictures and asked us to wipe them off before you got back. Whenever Abah wasn't around, we would all sleep together. You would let us have breakfast for supper (half-boiled eggs). I miss those moments.
Ma, remember when Angah fall down the stairs with her red car? It wasn't me, Ma, I didn't push her. She was already doing it on the first, shorter flight of stairs. She probably thought she'd get down safely like she did the first time around. I didn't know she'd get hurt. I was only four. I remember when I had to stop drinking milk in a bottle, it happened when you went to Johor and left us in Abah's care. Abah didn't let me have my milk in a bottle. He knew that if it were you, you'd let me have it. That's when I stopped. I was five. When I entered kindergarten, I had to go back to the nursery when school finished because there was no one at home. And, when the school bus sent me to the nursery, I always had trouble getting in as the gate was always locked and there was no bell. So, I made friends with this chubby boy whose name I couldn't remember and we would climb up the gate to get into the nursery. You got angry when you found out and said no girls in skirts should climb up such a tall gate. I never did it again since.
Primary school, I remember you would stay up helping me with my homework, made sure my bag was filled with correct books for tomorrow's lesson even if it meant sleeping at 2 a.m. and waking up at 5 a.m. If I woke up late, you'd send me to school first and got to work late. And then I grew older, got into a boarding school. I was always fooling around. I liked having fun instead of studying. You were worried, I could tell. But, I was stubborn. I never listened. I was busy with music, traveled here and there, skipped classes, didn't sit for exams. The day before PMR results came out, I cried my eyes out, afraid I wouldn't get good results. You told me it's no use crying as the exams were already over. Whatever the outcome, I should just accept it. So, the day the results came out, I refused to call school. I was staying in KL and my school was in Ipoh. You did it for me. You called your friend who was one of the teachers at Bainun, she told you my result. Later, you called home to deliver the good news. I screamed on the phone, couldn't believe what I had just heard. You said you had to ask your friend to double check my result as you also couldn't believe what she had just said. I did it again, I got straight A's. You said, "Mama tak percaya mula-mula!" I also remember Cikgu Salmah told you she couldn't believe I got straight A's, reason being budak muzik selalu ponteng kelas.
Not long after, I got an offer to go to MRSM Taiping. You and Abah tried to convince me not to go. Actually, I didn't plan to go to MRSM. I took the exam because everyone was doing it. It was just for fun. I didn't know I'd get accepted. Abah even said that there's nothing in Taiping, no shopping complex, no entertainment. Because I was stubborn, I listened to Cikgu Shuk, instead. I insisted on going. After the orientation week, I called home telling you I wanted to get out of there and go back to Bainun. You said no. You told me I made my bed and now I had to lie in it. I endured two tough years in Taiping. Apart from the friends I had there, nothing else seemed interesting. I didn't have as much fun as I used to in junior high. This time, I didn't get straight A's for SPM. You and Abah were disappointed. Abah wouldn't talk to me. I had you, only you. You would call me everyday, asking me how I was doing. At that time, I was down and depressed, with the family being so far away and I had to live with someone else. But you called me everyday just to make sure I was okay. I love you for that. You knew I was a difficult teenager. I was rebellious. I was always out with my friends and came home late at night until *** **** thought it was hard looking after me. You and Abah had me fly back to France after a few months.
Ma, there were two times in my life that I thought I was going to lose you. The first time was when I was five. I heard you and Abah in the kitchen and decided to take a peek. When I opened the door, I saw a lot of blood on the floor. I got scared. Abah saw me and told me to close the door and go upstairs. Abah carried you into the car and took Angah and I with him, he left Ieqa with Mak Yang. She was too small. All I remember was Raffy was born shortly after the incident. The second time I thought I was going to lose you was when I was nine. We were in England. You didn't pick us up from school like you used to everyday. That day, Abah was the one to fetch us. We didn't head home, we went to the hospital. Abah had this alarming look on his face. It scared me and I just had to ask. You had an ectopic pregnancy. I didn't know what it was back then, but I knew it was serious. You had to go under the knife, again. I was worried sick until you got out of the hospital. I never want to relive those moments again.
Ma, up until now, you've been supportive despite of the fight we have from time to time. You still tell me to study hard and get a good job because you said no one knows what will happen in the future and if I get married and God forbids, my husband leaves me, I'd at least have a job to support myself. You always tell us, kids, not to depend on others too much. You taught us well, Ma. The most important thing is, you believe in us. You expect the best from us because you believe we can do better than you. I probably didn't understand all the telling offs I got back then and it took me 23 years to figure it out. You didn't do it on purpose. You did it out of love. I'm sure raising us kids wasn't easy for you. But Ma, you needn't worry. I'm sure we'll turn out good, insyaAllah. One day, if God's willing, when you look at all those years spent bringing us up, you should congratulate yourself for you have actually done a good job. We all love you, Ma, very much!
Juliette xx
p/s : Ma, I miss you bringing me breakfast in bed whenever I'm sick ;'(
Listening to : Do You Remember - Jay Sean ft. Lil Jon
1 commentaire:
happy birthday mama yana! may Allah bless you always.
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