Alive, Just Alive

Hello! I'm still alive and kicking. Err, probably just alive, not kicking. Yes, I was a wee bit depressed and I feel unmotivated. And no, I wasn't going to commit suicide, no matter how depress I am. I don't want a shameful death, although maybe I won't feel a thing, but I could imagine the hurt it's gonna cause my loved ones. Plus, I don't think I have the courage. I just said I know how those who commited suicide must have felt before they did it. It's sad, isn't it? Maybe they didn't think of how it would affect the lives of their loved ones. I guess when you're depressed or sad, it's better to go back and seek peace from The Only Creator. You may not have the answer now, but always have faith in Him, He doesn't challenge you unless He knew you could take it.

Lately, I haven't been myself. It has actually been a while since I've become the person I am today. According to the Hubs, I'm no longer the girl I used to be and he used to know. I find myself to lose interest easily in almost everything I do and I'm no more passionate about what I do. I've no idea when I started to wander off my path. I've become super lazy, I don't care about my studies and I could care less about anything. I wasn't this kinda girl. I used to be passionate about things, I used to love what I do. Now, I just don't give a tinker's damn! It's like, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I forgot what's my priority. I forgot my responsibility as a daughter and as a wife. It's not that I don't think about it, I do, but all I could say to myself was, "Mehh".

And what happened last week had been a good wake up call. I let myself go too far. I need to get back on track. I really need to sort myself out. I only have a few more months to go, insyaAllah until June or July. Plus, I'm turning 25 next month! Woaaah, that's a big number and a pretty scary one too! Maybe it's just a quarter-century syndrome, whatever that is. LOL. Now, I'm just going to start all over, start anew. It's still a new year isn't it? And Chinese New Year just commenced, so I'm not too late.

About FB, family has been asking where has mine gone to? Oh well, I tried to stay off it but failed miserably, so I kinda deactivated it for a while until I can figure out what's going on with me. I just don't have enough self-restraint. Too bad. And FB is the least of my worry right now. I'll be back, soon, but not today or tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. Let's just hope that I'll be able to go back to my old self or transform into a totally new, happy and awesome person! Cross your fingers for me, or just remember me in your prayers, eh?

Tomorrow is a new day, I now believe that you actually decide how your day is going to be, and I chose mine not to be a Moan-day. I have to stay positive. I also have to make some small changes. And that change has to start with cleaning my place tonight! So, good night and have a great Monday, everyone!

Moi xx
Listening to : Sedetik Lebih - Anuar Zain