Nak Kahwin?

This is going to be a long and draggy entry.

When I was in high school, whenever I felt like giving up on my studies, I'd say to my mom; "Mama, malas lah nak belajar. Nak kahwin." (memang gatal sejak azali *tsk*) Mama's answer was always; "Awak ingat kahwin tu senang?" Today, I can no longer say that because I AM married, so I have no more reason to give up on my studies. And now I know what she meant by that. (-.-')

I don't know about you, but I think marriage is definitely hard work. All the way. No, I'm not complaining. I'm just stating facts. Getting married is just the beginning. Keeping it happy, lively and everlasting is another story.

You'd be surprised if you knew how many of my pupils come from broken families, divorced or separated parents. I think, almost all of them. Sad, I know. Like my dad once said, here, they've lost sense of family values. Having affairs, keeping mistresses, getting divorce are so common people just don't give a damn anymore. People who live just two or three hours away from their folks only go back and visit them once or twice a year. If you asked why, they'd just shrug and say, "Bof!" It's a French expression, which means 'just like that'. But of course, not all of them are like that.

I now understand why Mama said it's not easy because maintaining a marriage is not like maintaining a car. If a car gets old, used and boring, you could just sell it off and buy a new one. You can't do that with marriage. If it gets old and boring, you need to find a way to spice it up. If a car has problems, you can take it to the workshop to have it fixed, but in marriage, you have to settle your disagreement on your own, between you and your spouse, you can't ask someone else to do it for you. Running away from problems is a no no. The longer you run, the bigger the problem will be. Some people (like MOI) tend to bottle up their feelings and when they can't take it anymore, they would burst into tears or rage and it'll make matters worse. If a car runs on gas, marriage runs on love, not little, but an infinite supply of love. It's a lifetime labour of understanding, honesty, loyalty, trust and learning.

Understanding; it is not easy. There are times when you'd get hurt, there are times when things won't go your way, there are times when you just have to give in. I, as my parents' daughter, I always get my way, get what I want and whenever I sulk, my parents, especially my dad, would try to talk to me and calm me down. So, I become one stubborn, impatient and temperamental girl. When I was growing up, I had boyfriends and such, my mom would always tell me not to be so headstrong. She'd tell me to learn how to tolerate, how to give and take. She still says the same things to me today because I keep forgetting how to. She always says that I can't expect the Hubs to treat me the same way they do, and that I have to learn to understand. And whenever she starts her sentence by "Ni dengar Mama nak cakap sikit ni...", I know I did something wrong. Heee.~

Marriage is a journey, not a destination. You don't set a particular end when you're about to embark on this journey. You build new hopes and dreams as you enter. How you keep it interesting is what matters. I know that it's not always going to be a happy ride. There are moments when you'll be challenged, to see if your relationship is strong enough to survive a rocky patch. That's why you need to nurture it with love, affection and devotion so when it is put to the test, you'd be able to go through it smoothly.

Easier said than done, easier said than done.

I know I'm in no place to talk about how to handle a marriage as I've only been married for a year, but this is from my point of view. It's mostly basic stuffs. But they are the stuffs that we always forget. So it's also a reminder for me. A reminder that it's a constant effort to keep a marriage happy. The skyrocketing divorce rate today is kinda worrying. So, I need to remind myself every now and then that it is important to be more rational, to think and act like an adult, and I now have to consider the Hubs's feelings as well, not just mine. I can't be childish all the time, but old habits die hard, as they say.

My dream is to be the couple my parents are or maybe even better. My dad is the most romantic man I know, hands down! He always shows us how much he loves my mom, he's never ashamed to kiss her or hold her hand in front of us, or tells us how much he misses her when she's not around. It's not about the flowers and gifts he's given my mom, it's all the little things he does for her. How he always thinks of my mom whenever he goes somewhere or about to buy something, like, "Mama mesti suka ni." Or like, he texts my mom when he's out watching movies with us, asking her to call him a bit later when they're apart, or just asking what she's doing. Sometimes he calls her at her office just to tease her, "Mama ni mesti tengah tidur lunch hour macam ni." And my mom, she has the patience of a saint! She's so understanding that I actually envy her. She's just as thoughtful as my dad. They compliment each other in every way.

++I miss them! Photo from Angah's FB++
The other couple I aspire to be like :

++The Simpsons!++
Do you realize how they always make up after every fight? I think that's sweet. Marge is also a patient woman to put up with Homer's behaviour. He's just crazy. But he loves Marge and he is so in love with her which I think is inspiring.

Told you it's a long and draggy one. Don't say I didn't warn ya! Menyesal tak? Hiks! Traa!~

Moi xx
Listening to : Notbroken - Goo Goo Dolls