Walking Down The Memory Lane

I found myself watching Lilo & Stitch almost every week. I am not sure whether it's because the TV keeps repeating the movie or because I just like myself to be reminded of the good times I had with 'him'. I think it's a bit of both. Lilo & Stitch was our first movie together, on our first date. I still remember it was a Saturday afternoon. I wore a black shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans and 'he' had this skater look going on. 'He' wore a white t-shirt and a pair of baggy jeans. There were three of us, including Angah (I wasn't allowed to go out alone back then). I've known 'him' for a year before we decided to meet up. KLCC was the place. It wasn't awkward at all. We talked about a lot of things. 'He' started holding my hands that day. It didn't feel weird. It felt right. 'His' hands fitted mine. I had a great time, like a really amazing time. That night, 'he' did 'his' usual routine, 'he' called me at midnight and proposed me to be 'his' girlfriend. At that time, I thought I was the happiest girl on earth! I still remember 'his' exact words; "Will you be my girlfriend?" We went out a few more times after that. I couldn't see 'him' every week since I was studying in a boarding school in Taiping. Every time I went home for holidays, I'd make sure that
I'd see 'him'. But I had to lie to my parents at first because they didn't know I was going out with 'him'. We were happy for about 8 months or so but then when the fights started to get serious, everything went downhill from there.

Our first break-up was a year and a month after we started dating, October 2003. It was unexpected even with all the fights we were having. By that time, 'he' was already in Ireland. It came to me as a blow. I was frustrated. And sure enough, sad. I cried one whole morning. It was Aiman who comforted me. A friend told me that she saw it coming. People had warned me about 'him' but I wouldn't listen. Later, I found out that 'he' left me for another girl 'he' met in Ireland. I was terribly hurt. A week and a half after the break-up, 'he' started calling me again. I couldn't tell how happy I was but at the same time, I felt used. 'He' continued calling me every night even though we didn't make up. After I finished my SPM, I went straight back to KL because I only had three days before I flew to France. Once I set my foot in France, I received an e-mail from 'him', asking how I've been doing and my phone number in France. I hesitated to reply, but I did anyway. Starting from there, 'he' tried to make amend and patch things up. I fell in love with 'him' all over again. 'He' came to France to see me and we started dating again. I was really stupid thinking that it would last.

Our second break-up was in February 2004 and I was in Malaysia. This time, I didn't talk to 'him' for months. Until one day, 'he' called me while I was out with a boy who picked up the phone. 'He' was really mad at me. But I didn't care. 'He' stopped calling me until June 2004, 'he' phoned to ask me out. It was a Friday. I remember going to the book fair at PWTC. I went out with 'him' after the Friday prayer. We went out again one more time before I flew back to France. We continued talking like usual after that. But we never declared as a couple anymore. That kinda put us in a difficult situation because I wanted to move on and for 'him', I was still 'his'. He even came to France for the second time in February 2007. We went on like that for years. On and off. Until November 2007, I decided to end the relationship for good. It wasn't a happy ending for sure. In fact, it was really bad.

And I tried to move on since. And I am glad because I finally did. I am totally over 'him'. Thanks to those who have been supportive enough through out the whole breaking up process. I am grateful to have my life back, to be out of an unhealthy relationship and to have people who care about me. And mostly I would like to express my gratitude to The Almighty for making me really strong to move on and for letting me see what a prick 'he' really is. And also, thanks for the both good and bad memories I had with 'him' which I think would be one of the greatest lessons learned in life. You know, I am surprised at how I could still remember all the little details. I don't know why. Maybe because I really appreciate the times I've spent with 'him'. Even though the outcome is more negative than positive, I am thankful, seeing that life is like photography, I need the negatives to develop. The end.


Listening to : Time To Let Go - Marcos Hernandez