Subject: Re: hye there
Message: so, awk pnah french kiss bfore?
how is it?
What a WEIRD question to be asking someone you just met on the internet! Hoh! The guy who asked this happens to be my senior in Bainun. I didn't even acknowledge his existence before. But still, what a weirdo! And it's kinda rude. Really. What makes him think that I would tell? Funny guy.
Last night, I talked to a friend. We used to have a harmless fling back in 2004, after my painful break up with you-know-who. But I kinda cheated on him so we decided to go on our separate ways. I still talk to him year after year. Lately (not too recently though), he's been acting kinda weird, calling me 'sweetheart', 'sayang', etc. Why wasn't I surprised? I sort of expected this would happen. But, one thing I didn't see coming was the proposal! OMG. I didn't really know how to respond. So I rejected his proposal, to be his girlfriend and to get married afterwards. He's turning 24 this year and he's already thinking of settling down. And me, I am barely 22. I still have a few more years and a couple of things that I want to do before getting married or whatever. And the funniest part is, I've never met him. Not in person, no no.
Nevertheless, it got me thinking about how easy it actually is for guys to throw around 'I Love You's' like it meant nothing to them. Oh you can say you 'sayang' someone, for sure, but do you really mean it? Gahh, I don't know. I just cannot find the sincerity in those words anymore. Where do all these sweet talks really get you, anyway? Am I being skeptical here? I think I am. But seriously guys, why do you keep saying things when you don't even mean them? It's pointless.
Sometimes, I just miss having someone to talk to late at night. Someone to spill everything to. Someone who would just be there when I need him. Someone who would call me every now and then, checking up on me. Without having to talk on the phone for hours. Someone who would call just to say 'hi'. Someone who would text me every morning and every night before I go to sleep. Someone who would call me straight away when I tell him that I couldn't sleep at night. Someone who cares. Someone who listens to my every rants and complaints about how unfair this world could be. Someone I can be needy and clingy with, not the other way round. I just miss someone like you-know-who. I don't miss him. I miss the idea of him. The way he treated me when things were alright between us. God, I'm such a mess. I probably should go now before I start adding other craps. Toodles~
[The so-called iron lady in the making]
1 commentaire:
hehe. sorry i cant help but chuckles at least for the first para.
uve been blessed so to speak wif flock of 'swit' guys out of the sudden. maybe theres blessing in disguise for u, a test for ur character. im guilty of doing the same thing actually at times, esp in the old days but i gez i never did that as my pick up line or pursue a girl. more like a joke n being playful. but still, it happens becoz guys think they can stil prey wif that technique n to be frank some esp naive ones do still fall for it and thankfully some doesnt.
u deserve to be happy and find the right significant other. i believe u will someday, till dat happen, u must embrace contentment which is vital too. *talking to myself* ya rite wan. all this coming from you. blergh! tc moi
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