My Role Models

++My Happiness++
It's been a while since Auro and I went out together, oh well, since she has a boyfriend. LOL. Anyways, so we went out yesterday evening after class. Our intention at first was to go photocopy some documents and go back as I needed to go grocery shopping after that but there was a slight change of plans. We went for an early dinner at Subway instead, and then went strolling down town. We talked about a lot of things and she asked how was I coping up with LDM. I said it's pretty hard, as you must have already known from all my whines, but I still haven't gone crazy yet. And then she said something that got me thinking, she said I'm lucky to have my parents to look up to. FYI, her parents are divorced and they both have new families now thus when she met my parents, she's surprised to see that they're still together, and still in love and that got her to believe that not every marriage ends with a divorce. Well, for me it's all about mindset.

MamAbah got married when Mama was still studying as well. They were also kinda in LDM, but not as far as Hubs and I. Mama was studying in Scotland and Abah was working in Germany when they were solemnized, they only had their reception when Mama was done with her studies, in 1984 if I'm not mistaken. And I'm sort of in the same situation, except that I have another year to go through. I guess that's why Abah didn't have any objection to me getting married while still in University. To Abah, if he and Mama could do it, I should be able to do it better. And for me, that's a problem. I mean, I know they have high expectations of me, but I'm scared if I disappoint them, unintentionally. What if they were wrong? What if I can't do any better than them? Hmm. It's already hard being the eldest, and saying things like that is not helping at all.

What Auro said about me having my parents to look up to is true, I do look up to my parents, for guidance. I just don't know if I could be more than what they were. And I don't know if I want to be exactly like them either. The choices I had made in my life so far were always the ones that led me through the road less taken and I am sure that both of my parents are aware of that. What are they? If I were to go into details about what the choices were, it'd took me forever to write. LOL. So, I really don't know what to do sometimes. I don't want to be too cautious because I know we can only be a better person from the mistakes we learn. I want my parents to be proud of me, I want to live up to their expectations, I just don't know if I am capable of it. Yet again, they said I wouldn't know if I didn't try. Hmm.

I may not know how or what to do right now, but I do know that I want to be just like them when I'm older, relationship wise. I hope to be the couple that my parents are, still walk hand in hand in public and not ashamed to express their love towards one another in front of their children. I wish to inherit their wisdom and tolerance in handling marriage. I wish they'd live forever. Dear God, please let my parents live as long as their children still need them. Amen.

I know you don't understand and I don't expect you to. I don't see my life as complicated and I don't think of my parents expectations as a burden, in fact I take them as a challenge, also an encouragement for me to try my best in everything I do. True, I did say that it's not easy, but I know I can with their support. And to MamAbah, thank you for being such great role models that even people outside the family notice it. I am truly grateful. Alhamdulillah :)

And oh, at the end of the day, I didn't go grocery shopping :(

Moi xx
Listening to : Kissin' U - Miranda Cosgrove